Group Objective: To explore the conditions that lead to conflict and learn tools for discovering a new way to work with conflictual situations.
Key Teaching Points: Based on many factors, including family of origin dynamics, we often learn ways to manage conflict in unconscious ways. This group will address this and ask the question: “Are you willing to find a new way to work with conflict?”
Materials Needed: “Yes” and “No” signs, masking tape, index cards.
Reading from Conscious Recovery: This doesn’t mean that we are not ever going to notice we have opinions or perspectives; it simply means that we are not as deeply entrenched or invested in our opinions and perspectives. We recognize their place in the spectrum of possible options. We see our opinions and perspectives as an expression of who we are and what we are experiencing at this moment, given what we know and what we don’t know. Our opinions and perspectives are not the totality of who and what we are. Furthermore, as we continue on our path of awakening, we can actually raise our consciousness and move beyond opinions and perspectives altogether. Freedom is then possible and we arrive at a place of witnessing life rather than reacting to it. It’s being in a state of awareness of nonresistance and non-judgment that allows us to evaluate our opinions and perspectives and choose from there. Are our opinions causing conflict and division? If they are, our freedom opens us up to the other sides of the story, to possible alternatives. Is our perspective bringing something valuable to a relationship or situation? If it is, our freedom opens us up to adding further to that perspective, to nurturing it with additional information and deeper nuance.
Inner freedom is living in present moment awareness. It is a level of consciousness that’s beyond clinging and aversion, beyond suffering. That to me is what is meant by “Being in the world but not of it.” When we’re of this world, we are bounced around by life, reacting to what happens to us, imprisoned by the stories we’ve built up about ourselves and our world. When we’re in this world but not of it, we still move through relative reality, but we’re grounded in our absolute essence, and this provides unlimited freedom to choose, to feel fully without being manipulated, and to respond rather than react to the fluctuations of the outer world.
Residential: Week 3 Group Outline Conflict
(10 minutes) Meditation
(10 minutes) Check-In: Everyone states their name and says something about conflict. (How they handle it…what it was like in their family growing up, etc.)
Review Shared Agreements
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One Person Speaks at a Time
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Confidentiality
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Share the Air
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No “Fixing”
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“I” Statements
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Feedback Upon Request
(10 minutes) Introduction of Topic: Conflict
Share these key points. (You might want to write these key points on the board for discussion):
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Conflict gets created by misperception/perspective
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Conflict gets created by wanting “others” to change
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At the root of conflict is the desire to be “right”
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In the center of the hurricane it is calm (“I” of the Storm)
(30 minutes) Group Process: Spectrum. For this exercise use a large open room. Place a sign that says YES on one wall, and a sign that says NO on the opposite wall. Then, with masking tape make a line down the middle of the room. Let clients know you will be making 6 different statements.
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Ask them to stand wherever they are on the “spectrum” regarding the statement. (If they totally agree with the statement, they would stand all the way toward the “yes” sign, etc.) Ask a couple of people to share why they are where they are on the spectrum, then ask if anyone wants to change where they are standing as a result of what they have heard.
Statements:
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I am comfortable with conflict
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I understand conflict can be a source of great change
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I am willing to find another way to deal with conflict
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I know my purpose
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No one and nothing is against me
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I love myself exactly as I am
(10 minutes) Discussion: Take some time to discuss what came up during the process.
(10 minutes) Group Process (Dyads): Each person shares and then listens. (no feedback)
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What is one conflict you have experienced in the last month?
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How did you handle it?
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What were the consequences of your actions?
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What were the hidden INNER resources?
Now write the INNER resource on an index card. (Some examples of INNER resources are, gratitude, acceptance, courage, etc.)
Group Discussion (Time Permitting): How was that? Any insights? Observations?
(10 minutes) Closing Process
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